Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us

 By Anna Campbell, staff writer

We know the holidays. They come every year without fail, and we’re always pleased about it; the time off from school, the food, the gifts, the family love, the holiday spirit, the food, the food. And we know what holidays we’ll be celebrating: Christmas, Hanukkah, perhaps even Kwanzaa or some other holiday of which I am unaware.

But, this season marks the dawn of a new age, one in which we will all, like it or not, be celebrating a new and worldwide holiday: Festivus.

Festivus marks its birth in a memorable episode of Seinfeld, proclaimed ‘Festivus, the holiday for the rest of us’. But beyond that little rhyme, the ideology and traditions of Festivus are deep-rooted and long ago found their way to the Internet. The spirit of Festivus is one of mutual exasperation, aggressive competition, and boundless joy. Festivus-believers are unconcerned with material goods, but all believe in Santa.

Festivus is celebrated on December 23. When the feast commences, the holiday traditions begin with the “Airing of Grievances,” in which all participants lash out freely and tell each other how they have disappointed each other this year. It’s an emotional catharsis and wholly therapeutic. After the meal, the “Feats of Strength” are performed in which participants try to wrestle the head of the household to the floor. The holiday is not over unless the head has been pinned to the ground.

Festivus’ origins can be traced back to ancient pagan traditions among the Celts and the Picts, before Christmas was ever thought of. In fact, Festivus is actually so old that the Latin word ‘festus’ meaning a joyous day, a festival or a holiday, is derived from it. Its religious text is Wikipedia. In those days of old, joyful believers would dance around a tall, factory-made aluminum pole, signifying the beginning of life and the celebration of the universe. The traditional meal prepared was generally meatloaf, and although the Festivus meatloaf has evolved to include ground beef, in the olden days woolly mammoths and the like would have been standard fare.

Perhaps the oldest rite of passage, however, is the time-honored Feats of Strength. This tradition dates back past Seinfeld, past A.D. anything, and possibly even past the Ice Age. In this, the head of the household must challenge a Festivus participant to a wrestling match. The challenge is rife with caveman symbolism; a new leader taking control of the cave, a proud new lion challenging the old, like Simba did to his evil uncle Scar. The participant, once challenged, can evade the fight if they claim they have something else to do, like watch It’s A Wonderful Life or Elf for the fiftieth time, but they will lose their honor, and shame will fall upon them. So it is written.

Festivus has been incorporated into countless cultures - for example, the tradition of the Christmas tree originally came from an old and long-forgotten Festivus ritual, as did that of sitting on Santa’s lap at the mall. Those who want further proof need only go to Ben & Jerry’s; they have named an ice-cream after the holiday.

As we break for vacation today, we at the Sturgis StormWatch hope that everyone will be happily celebrating Christmas and Hanukkah. But for those who lack a stirring cause, a custom that may well enter family legend, think about getting behind Festivus: the holiday for the rest of us.